I Love You Just The Way You Are

baseball high schoolHappy Wednesday to you all.  Get comfortable; there should be enough seats and bean bags for all of you.  Remember that the purple bean bag in the corner is Sha’s, but you can sit anywhere else that you choose. I’ll have some snacks for you in a second. Hope you like pigs-in-a-blanket. J

This post should give you an insight into how my mind works. I’ll walk you through it step by step.

I was thinking back to when I was a teenager and then in my early twenties.  I was incredibly shy, and I’m talking about shy to the point of painful.  I literally could not find the words necessary to ask a girl out on a date, and put me in a crowded room and sweat would break out on my brow.  I began to consider the possibility that I was a socially-retarded human being, incapable of having a relationship or meaningful talk with anyone.  As those thoughts grew so did my confidence shrink, and that led to less and less belief in myself.  I began to see flaws in my appearance; I began to convince myself that I was not worthy of meaningful friendships or relationships.

That kind of self-doubt and castration is like a cancer.  It spreads and spreads, feeding upon the negative energy, until a world that was once bright slowly resembles darkening shades of gray on the best of days.

Those thoughts led me to think about girls who suffer from bulimia and anorexia, and others who cut themselves, or turn to drugs and alcohol or sex or whatever other placebo they can find to make the pain go away.

I was lucky!  When I reached my mid-twenties I got involved in several activities like bowling leagues and softball leagues, and I started to interact with people. The more comfortable I got with my new friends the more my real personality came through, and then a strange thing happened….women started to notice me, and enjoy being with me, and they told me they loved my sense of humor and…..that social reject began to realize that there was really nothing wrong with who he was.me and the pooch

A funny side note….when I was having my horrible days in the grips of alcoholism, it was quite easy for me to revert back to the old days and believe that I was not worthy of anyone loving me.  All of the old stinking thinking came back fueled by alcohol.

Today those are distant memories. I wish I could talk to every person who has low self-esteem and tell them that they are fine just the way they are.  I wish I could assure them that there are people out there in this huge world who will love them for who they are.

I wish!

Bill

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About Billybuc

A simple man who has found happiness as a functioning dysfunctional.
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14 Responses to I Love You Just The Way You Are

  1. Beautiful thoughts here Bill and I once was a very, shy little girl, too. Not sure what happened, but still. And now I also have Billy Joel’s, “Just the Way You Are” playing in my head for some reason, too!! Happy Wednesday 🙂

  2. Billybuc says:

    Happy Wednesday Janine and I’m glad we both found a way out of that painful shyness.

  3. I still have some of that shyness and low self-esteem, so it was good for me to read this. Maybe I’ll get better with age. 🙂 Neat thoughts here, Bill. Like Janine, “Just the Way You Are” is going through my head, too. I love that song, so that’s okay. 🙂 Really nice post.

    • Billybuc says:

      Thank you Vicki! I think many of those personality traits we have when we are younger go away with age. We naturally gain more confidence as we get older and experience some triumphs…at least that’s the hope. 🙂

  4. It’s funny. I was just the opposite in my 20’s. I was very outgoing and loved being in crowds. I was a biker chick back then and that was the lifestyle. Today I’m more introverted, hate crowds and no longer need validation. I like me just the way I am. As they say, “like it or lump it”!

    It’s ironic you’re serving pigs in a blanket. I just had some baked ham for lunch.

  5. ruchira says:

    I am glad you could see the sunshine before something worse happened and while saying that I say Amen to your wish 🙂

  6. Very helpful on the journey ‘ step by step.’ Glad to see that its better experience from down to up, instead of ” up and down “. ( Making any 1/2 sense)? Oh, this dysfunctional idea isn’t just about negative . Gloryyy!

  7. Billybuc says:

    Michael my friend, the journey from down to up was much easier than up to down. I know for a fact and yes, you made more that 1/2 sense. LOL Thank you my friend.

  8. I’m back! And, after being away for six weeks, this is the perfect “first Billybuc blog” to read upon my return. You put life into perspective.

    • Billybuc says:

      Marlene, I’m very happy to see you back among us. Perspective? I can’t imagine going through life without it, can you? 🙂 Thanks my dear friend and welcome home.

  9. Lea Tartanian says:

    Hi billybuc! What a great ‘share!’ I still have my diaries from when I was 14 years old, and talk about low self esteem! I can SO relate…I personally believe the Holy Spirit of God was pursuing you during those challenging times you experienced. I have always felt it is good to look back because it is so encouraging to see how one has grown over the years. I have told so many of my friends about you! You are a SUN in my life and the lives of so many and I thank God for the positive you share on Hub Pages, Facebook, your Artistry With Words. Your encouragement is like a salve spreading all over the computer screens everywhere. God bless you real good.
    Lea Tartanian/Sparklea 🙂

  10. Billybuc says:

    Wow, Lea, I don’t even know what to say to that praise. Thank you will have to do sweet lady. I didn’t know I was famous among your circle of friends. 🙂 I am humbled.

    Those are tough times for many people, are they not? We all just have to find our way and discover how to be comfortable in our own skin. Some take longer than others but eventually most of us figure it out…thankfully. 🙂 Thank you my dear friend. Stay warm and safe.

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