Relationships and Dysfunction

cropped-being-silly.jpgHappy Friday to you all!  There isn’t anything dysfunctional about Fridays now is there? LOL

We’ve talked about the classic dysfunctional family, and we’ve talked about how to deal with a dysfunctional person….today I want to talk a bit about how our own fears and past experiences can make us just a bit dysfunctional without even knowing it.

And of course, I’ll use myself as a guinea pig. J

I have always had a hard time with intimate relationships.  I suspect it has something to do with being adopted and an underlying notion of rejection from that….but as the years went by, and a marriage failed, and other relationships failed, I found myself older for sure but also much more guarded regarding dating.  I simply didn’t trust the women I dated; it was as though I went into a relationship expecting them to dump me so I made little or no effort….and I certainly held back a part of my emotions so that I didn’t get hurt again.

All of this is a sure recipe for disaster in the relationship area, because we simply can’t hold part of ourselves back and expect anyone to take a chance on us.  I had to learn that the hard way over years of failed attempts to partner with someone.

Today I am free of that dysfunctional mess.  I finally allowed myself to trust someone completely….Bev….and risk it all because I wanted to know what love was all about….and Bev came into our relationship with the same demons that had worked against her for many years.

This life gig ain’t easy, is it?

Have a great weekend!

Bill

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About Billybuc

A simple man who has found happiness as a functioning dysfunctional.
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10 Responses to Relationships and Dysfunction

  1. Bill, I had a lot of those hangups myself before I met Kevin and had been hurt quite a few times before him, but you are right when you do take that chance it is amazing what you find waiting right in front of your eyes. Happy we both took those chances! Happy Friday Bill 🙂

  2. Bill, I’m definitely dysfunctional in that area. For the longest time I’d hook up with men who didn’t take relationships seriously. I think I did that because either I wanted something to bitch about or I wasn’t willing to give of myself entirely. With both of my marriages, I tried everything I could to repair them, but when my husbands weren’t willing to participate, I severed the marriages. Now, at my age, after having tried to have a relationship with a man, I found that I wasn’t waiting around for the third strike when I saw traits I couldn’t live with. Is there hope I’ll find true love? I’d like to think so, although this time it will have to find me and sweep me off my feet.

    • Billybuc says:

      Sha, it’s tough for sure….after awhile we just get tired of being hurt. I get it, believe me. I hope you get swept off your feet my dear; you deserve to be loved.

  3. michaelMilec says:

    See, my friend if there would be an instrument or machine to determine perfect type “functionality”, we might be happy to admit : we all are dysfunctional at certan degree. Only labels would characterize behavioral habbits good or bad, positive or negative such as let say
    “workaholic “, ” churchgoer ” , ” health geek” . . . or as in my case, be always on time . . . Or perhaps accepting already established standardization of disfunctional categories we are part of it anyway.

  4. susanzutautas says:

    Before I met Al I had given up on men and love and the whole shebang altogether.I was sick of being hurt etc. etc. I’d decided I would buy a condo and live happily ever after alone. I enjoy my own company and don’t mind being alone so I’m sure if life had of gone that way for me, I would have been fine. Anyways I am glad that I did meet him and can’t truly imagine life without him.

    • Billybuc says:

      Susan, I am much the same way. I greatly enjoy my time alone and have no problem drifting through life keeping myself company….but I am much happier with Bev in my life. I’m glad you found someone; thanks for sharing that.

  5. randee says:

    Hey, Bill, I’ve wondered now for a while what the J is for after some of your paragraphs.

  6. Billybuc says:

    Randee, I have no idea why that shows up. It isn’t there when I proofread it but somehow shows up.

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